Letter from a Feminist ex-Mother

Dear my beloved ex-fetus:

I loved you so much! After all, as we women have been trying to get all those egotistical men to understand for centuries, we mothers share an extra-special, unbreakable bond with our children because you begin your lives within our fallopian tubes, and then continue to grow within our wombs wherein we ever-so-tenderly care for even your smallest needs.

There was just one problem - you showed up at a very inopportune time. Yes, the bond we shared was beautiful, intimate, and unbreakable, but my bond to my career and my needs to maintain my income and social status were even stronger so you had to go. I know you support my decision because I know you only ever wanted the very best for me.

I found an excellent doctor who agreed to rescue me from your existence. He was so good that he wouldn't even let his own personal ethics, including his Hippocratic Oath, get in the way of taking care of my problem. Maybe I should take back some of the nasty things I've said about men because this doctor - a man - was so supportive of my feminist needs.

The doctor even offered me a couple of choices. One was to smush your head and body with medical pliers, and then to vacuum all of you out of me. The other was to give me a very special poison that would safely pass through me in order to reach you and cause you to die naturally. I chose the latter because, honest woman that I am, I wanted everyone to assume that I had a miscarriage and offer me all kinds of sympathy and empathy. I couldn't tell them the truth because that might mean that some of them would make me feel guilty for having done something wrong.

So please don't worry about me. I got my degree and am now earning lots of money. I was finally able to become financially independent of your rotten father, and leave him. You'll never know how much better off you are without him.

I sure enjoyed all of the sex I had with that rotten father of yours. No woman should ever be denied that. Evolution sure played a nasty trick on us women when it designed us so that we can't pursue such wonderfully irresistible pleasure without the possibility of motherhood.

Thank you for being so understanding.

Your loving ex-mother.